for my lil bro...

im not there like i wanna be for u right now but i swear im working on sumthin betta for both of us man. just trust me.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/5216422111e398/

the virtue that is foresight...

today my newfound spiritual advisor Joel Osteen gave an awesome sermon/conversation that really struck a chord with me. i can actually count on him for this. whenever i turn on his lakewood church service @10am on fox(break me off some of that tithing scratch for the free promo joe!) he usual drops some ill gems on me that relates to what turns and twists my life happens to be taking at the time. today his message was tuffin it out thru the ruff times at the moment and keeping ur eyes on the prize. the ends DO justify the means.

having come to the decision that bmore isnt gonna be the place me and my fam make roots and memories, i've begun to feel stagnated. im all but sure my next stop WILL be denver(providing that during my visit i'll be able to find at least five black people within a 5 mile radius of where im staying..lol) but since i'm an adult with both child AND billz, pulling a "papa was a rollin stone" type move and just uprooting AINT an option. this huge step will take conpromise, research, patience and MAJOR planning and while i would normally just grit my teeth and bear it, i want to move NOW, "not now but RIGHT now!"-phife dawg

an awesome life for josh and i, frannie pie, beautiful scenery and the life i've always wanted for me and mines is just waiting for me but i the mean time i gotta deal with:

the beast

a hideous and dispicable creature that oddly has a penchant for sweater vests and sport jackets. gender still yet to be determined. had to cuss her ass out to finally get her off my back so while she now leaves me alone, her mere presence induces me to vomit.

moving outta 1409 eutaw

most of the memories suck but the view is VICIOUS!

goin back to random, CO-habitation for a year..
kinda symbolic tho since i'll more than likely be in the same area i moved to initially when i got to bmore..

my best bud

i want him to come with me. making it happen aint as easy tho. if i like it, HE'd LUV it. and i KNOW the climate out west would be waaay more nurturing that Pg county(IE-the BANE of my existence) luv that kid.

so much to do. probably bout a years worth of worrying, crucial decisions, and mental strain.. but if joel says it'll be aight in the end, i'll be aight.

finally getting a life...

so im doin it. im moving towards settling down. finding, building and making a home for me and mines. this wont be an over night process so its gonna take some patience and foresight but im up for it. as much as i luv this city, this isnt for me. i've wrestled with this for a lil less than a year now. and as much as i luv the city living aspect of bmore, i couldnt truly be happy and have a family here for the long haul. ill spent funds, corrupt and incompetent politicians, awful school system, and a staggering gap between the haves and havenots in this city discourages me to no end. but most of all. the plight of my people in this city is a national disgrace and eyesore. drugs, crime and low hs graduation rates have denegrated the fabric of a people historically strong and proud. North ave, Penn ave, greenmount ave, are just 3 of many streets here that serve as the WORST of what we have to offer as a people. open-air drug markets, prostitution, loitering, muggings, etc are sumthin i simply cannot get used to being around. and what sux the most is since i DO want SOME kinda diversity in my place of residence, in most cases u HAVE to live near these streets if u dont want to live around ALL white folks..

anyways.. i feel great about this decision. bmore has been a place where i've longed to live for SO long, anyone that remotely knows me can vouch for that. so for me to truly survey the city and decide it aint for me thru actually experiencing it, i feel like this chapter in my life can come to a close without regret or hindsight. i've "lived" as most older folks tell u to do to discourage u from gettin too serious in a relationship too early in life, relationships(good and bad), bar scene, party life(shout to jay!), etc but now im ready to have a LIFE.

ps-im in luv.