Saturday, May 31, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Me-badu
I've been adored.
i've been hated.
Interestingly enuff, often by the same people.lol
My self esteem isnt LOW, but still a lil less than hi.
In elementary school i had lots of friends.
Middle school, kinda the same. but i got tired of not being in the cool cliques.
so in high school i made an effort to become popular.
it worked but really didnt suit me well. so after graduating, i didnt keep in touch with the rest of the "cool kids".
those "Cool Kids" in NY are really wack. So is any other 20 year old running around with a high top fade and Cross Colour Jeans. "Its NOT UR generations' trend, so STOP it.
I prefer what feels genuine over whats expected.
Tho i often still have an internal struggle to rationalize it.
I've come to realize people are people, flaws and all, no matter if they are catagorized as:
family
lovers
friends
acquaintances
or strangers.
so setting lofty expectations upon them is often a set-up for dissappointment. just luv em anyway. the good shit about by far out-weighs the bad.
I'm conundrum because as strongly as i believe in fate, i also have many regrets.
I often feel my opinion is the only reasonable rationale in an argument. Partly because i lead with my heart, partly because i think im smarter than most people.lol
I've been responsible in the past for sabotaging my own happiness.
Sacrificing myself and my feelings may score me big points with God but its sucked for me down here.
i feel so optimistic about my future. i've learned so many of lifes lessons at such a young age, applying them to future obstacles and experiences.
i hate how conservatism is a polite word for racism.
i've been hated.
Interestingly enuff, often by the same people.lol
My self esteem isnt LOW, but still a lil less than hi.
In elementary school i had lots of friends.
Middle school, kinda the same. but i got tired of not being in the cool cliques.
so in high school i made an effort to become popular.
it worked but really didnt suit me well. so after graduating, i didnt keep in touch with the rest of the "cool kids".
those "Cool Kids" in NY are really wack. So is any other 20 year old running around with a high top fade and Cross Colour Jeans. "Its NOT UR generations' trend, so STOP it.
I prefer what feels genuine over whats expected.
Tho i often still have an internal struggle to rationalize it.
I've come to realize people are people, flaws and all, no matter if they are catagorized as:
family
lovers
friends
acquaintances
or strangers.
so setting lofty expectations upon them is often a set-up for dissappointment. just luv em anyway. the good shit about by far out-weighs the bad.
I'm conundrum because as strongly as i believe in fate, i also have many regrets.
I often feel my opinion is the only reasonable rationale in an argument. Partly because i lead with my heart, partly because i think im smarter than most people.lol
I've been responsible in the past for sabotaging my own happiness.
Sacrificing myself and my feelings may score me big points with God but its sucked for me down here.
i feel so optimistic about my future. i've learned so many of lifes lessons at such a young age, applying them to future obstacles and experiences.
i hate how conservatism is a polite word for racism.
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